Comforting Touch
by MJLS
Summary: You’ll never have to thank me Cal


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything of this show, I just wrote this as a little bit of a fiction to get my writing spirit back after the exams I just endured.

**Authors note: **I'm sorry for everyone who was following my multi-chaptered _Lie To Me_ story (that never really got past chapter 1) but I deleted it recently because I couldn't find the inspiration to even finish it. I might ever start on it again but for now, I'll just stick to writing oneshots for this show if you all don't mind. Also, slight spoilers for episode 8 here though, so be careful if you all haven't seen this episode yet.

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"What's wrong with you? You've been acting like a complete grouch the entire time we've been on this case!"

"Once again Torres, it's none of your damn business, so why don't you go do something useful like get those papers I asked you for half an hour ago."

Torres sighed and shot one last look at her boss before storming out of his office, it had changed a lot in the recent week and it seemed to her that he just kept changing something every day, even if most of the people around here didn't notice. She sighed and shot a quick smile at Loker who winked at her as he passed. Ria halted in the middle of the hall, frowning and then turning around to face the back of Loker retreating.

"Hey Loker? Is Gillian in?"

"Yeah, we just got in, why?"

"Just wondering," Ria shrugged.

Loker looked suspicious but nodded anyway, letting the whole thing drop and going back to what he was going before. Ria pursed her lips together and walked over to Gillian's office as fast as she could with her heels on. She never really liked wearing heels this high but she did want to look professional in Lightman's eyes, even if he sometimes didn't himself.

"Can I help you Torres?" Gillian smiled as Ria entered her office and stood there, glancing around the room. It was a smaller office than Lightman's but it was just as comforting as his. Clearly the two shared the same feelings about some things even if they didn't admit it or let it be seen. It was obvious to see once you started noticing the little things.

"I think there's something going on with Dr. Lightman, he's been acting all weird during this case and to be honest, it's slightly worrying me."

"Don't worry about Cal," Gillian smiled.

"I am worrying Gillian," Foster pursed her lips together and bucked her hips to the left side. Her feet were hurting because of the heels and her new position but she bit back the annoying stinging in her feet to be sure that her boss at least got out of his grouchy mood.

"Whatever's going on with him, it's none of our business."

"That's what he said," Ria sighed and sat down on the armrest of one of the couches, she didn't really like that both of her bosses were thinking the same, even though it was only natural considering how close they were.

"Then you should listen to him and actually do what he wants you to do."

"At least promise me you'll talk to him?" Ria pleaded with her eyes and hoped that Gillian would agree to do so. Gillian looked away from her computer screen and faced Torres, nodding. Ria sighed in relief and shot a small smile of gratitude to Gillian before leaving the office again.

Gillian watched the young natural leave the office and turned back to her computer. She let her fingers hang above her keyboard for a few seconds before deciding to just save the file and finish it the next day. It seemed to her that Cal was more in need of her presence now than her otherwise deserted office.

* * *

She found him once again in the backroom, watching the same old role of tape as he always did when he felt like it. She leaned against the doorframe and watched him from behind, feeling slightly guilty about staring at him without his knowledge. She knew everything that there was to know about this woman, at least, she knew everything that Cal had allowed her to know. She saw him clench his jaw as he spotted the micro-expressions on the woman's face, his hand reaching up to his eyebrow and guilt written all over his face as he took in every little inch of the woman's face and smile.

"Again, it's not your fault Cal."

"Then why does it feel like it is?" Cal whispered, looking over his shoulder at her. She could see the hurt in his eyes as she walked closer to him. His eyes were glazed over by unshed tears as she crouched down and stroke his cheek in a motherly way. He took a deep breath and tried to show her a smile but failed as he couldn't even manage to look away from the woman projected behind Gillian in front of him.

"You didn't know that she was in agony, she fooled all of you."

"I should've seen it," Cal looked away from the projected image of his mother and bit his lip. He was fighting the tears, Gillian could see it as clear as day. He had been holding all his emotions in ever since he had taken on this case and the fact that Torres had tried to barge down the protective walls he had build to prevent himself from breaking down didn't help anything. Gillian sighed and kept stroking Cal's cheek with her thumb, her lips finding their way to his forehead as she planted a soft kiss there in comfort.

Forcing another smile on his lips, Cal looked her straight in the eye for the first time that night but didn't say anything. Gillian returned the sad smile and removed her hand from his cheek, opting to hold his hand and give it a small squeeze instead.

"You couldn't have seen it Cal," she reasoned again, although she knew that it wouldn't help at all, "you were so young back then, you didn't know everything you know now, stop blaming yourself."

"She looked so happy," Cal frowned, "we should've noticed something was up."

"Cal, for once, your mother was happy and at the age you were at back then, you didn't think about micro-expressions, of what lay behind the smile, start believing me when I say that you couldn't have done anything back then and it's not your fault."

Cal bit his lip again and looked away from Gillian's worried glance, he knew that she was speaking the truth but he couldn't help but feel guilty about the whole thing. He had watched the tape over and over again, and nobody had spotted the agony behind the smile except him. And even he had only spotted it once he slowed down the tape.

The weekend that his mother had shot herself was the worst weekend of his life, and now with the recent case he was on, he just couldn't get the images out of his head of that day he heard the news. Earlier, he had hugged Emily like it was the last time he could ever hug her. He was sure that she had noticed something different in the way he was acting but kept it quiet, knowing that he would open up to her once she was ready to hear what was bothering her father.

"Cal," Gillian called him out of his thoughts as she once again squeezed his hand. He shook his head and looked at her, showing her an encouraging smile and squeezing her hand back.

"I'm fine Gillian."

Gillian saw straight through the lie he told her, even though he was a really good liar, he couldn't hide something from her in the state he was in right now. During the moment that he had blanked out, she had been sitting there, crouched down in front of him and staring at him, watching as several tears fell down his cheeks beyond his knowledge.

"Stop blaming yourself and then I'll start believing that."

"Where were you when I called?"

"Busy with that NCIS case," Gillian shrugged, looking guilty to know that she hadn't been there when he had clearly needed her the most, "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

Cal nodded, not saying anything but standing up and stopping the tape from playing. Gillian sighed and pursed her lips together, standing up and waiting for Cal to do something. When he just stood there next to the player, she shook her head sadly and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his back. He placed his both hands over her own that were clasped on his stomach and accepted her touch as the tears rolled over his cheeks. He choked back a sob as he bit his lip hard enough to taste blood.

"I just…" Cal took a shaking breath, "I just miss her…so _much_."

This was the breaking point that Gillian had been waiting for, she had seen it coming but Cal had just keep trying to push it back. She enforced her hug on him and placed a soft kiss on his shoulder blade covered by the white shirt. She could feel his sobs shaking through his whole body as they stood there in the small room adjoined with his office. Gillian had seen him break down before but never during a case, she bit her lip and closed her eyes, just listening to Cal breaking down in her arms as he let it all out.

Once she noticed that Cal's breathing had slowed down, she started releasing her hold on him but he kept her hands right where they were on his stomach. His thumb stroked her hand and even though she couldn't see his face, Gillian knew that he had a small smile on his face. Just like always, she was there to get him through the rough parts.

"Thanks."

"You'll never have to thank me Cal," she smiled as he turned around. Cal took a deep breath, closed his eyes and waited a few seconds before opening them again to see Gillian smiling up at him. She wiped the salt trails away from his cheeks and kissed his forehead again before he pulled her into another hug.

This time however, she could rest her head on his chest, which felt completely different yet, more comforting than any of the hugs he had ever given her. His hands rested on the small of her back as she listened to his heart beat slowing down. She felt his lips on the top of her head as he placed a soft kiss there. Against her own will, Gillian couldn't help but smile and snuggle closer into his warm touch.

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Please leave a comment to tell me what you think, thank you for reading and I hope you liked it!


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